From
http://www.sickipedia.org/get.php?category=Racism&subcategory=German&page=5
My holiday in Spain was ruined by a nagging feeling that I’d left the gas on at home.No wonder Hitler stopped going abroad.
What did the German say before sex?Fünf
What age do German men consider a mid-life crisis?39 to 45
I went to see my German friend in Lidl, where he is the manager, and to lighten the mood he has put a sign up:“It is not required that persons employed by our company suffer from either short or long term mental derangements, including but not limited to insanity, although we feel that given that nature of this workplace said conditions might be of advantage to our employees!” Well, at least he is trying.
What do you call a gay German?Helmut Braun.
So there's been a school shooting in Germany...? Very strange from a country with such a limited history of violence...
Feeling thirsty, a German guy called Oskar once said to his wife "Save the juice".1200 people owe their life to Schindlers lisp.
Went out with a smart German bird the other day.The only thing that turned me off, were her pigtails - hanging from her fucking armpits!
You know why the Germans lost the war?They thought "mine field" was a statement of land-ownership.
What is the difference between a kind hearted German and the Loch Ness monster?The Loch Ness monster has been sighted.
What are the first lines in a German cookbook?First, occupy the kitchen.[NOTE FROM ANUSPOUNDER: Is the second line "fire up the gas oven"?]
I was once bitten on the arse by a German Shepherd, but he apologised afterwards and even introduced me to his dog.
On a recent business trip to Germany a German barman was boasting, telling me how great a place Germany is. I told him that my grandfather worked in Germany many years ago to which he replied "Ahh, vot did he do?", my reply of "He flew a Lancaster bomber" shut the smug cunt up.
Got up this morning to find my BMW wouldn't start because the battery was flat.Typical German car, always craves more power.
What do you call a German with a bald head?Herr loss.
I've just found out that according to German law, it is deemed offensive to either goose-step, utter the words 'sieg heil' or 'heil hitler', or perform the Nazi salute.Cah, make your fucking mind up...
Why are most Germans born by Caesarian Section?Because its difficult to get a square head through a round hole.
Why do most German women opt for a caesarian birth?Have you tried to get a square head out of a round hole.
True Story1940/41 - Nazi Occupied France.In a comedy club close to the French/German border a French comedian came up onto the stage, he started his act off with a roman salute (that's the nazi salute for you laymans) and all these SS blokes stood up to attention and returned the salute.He stood like that on stage, silent with his arm extended, for a good 10 minutes and all the SS blokes hadn't flinched a muscle since standing to attention. Eventually he gives the punch line: "My son is this tall."The SS are infuriated; they rush the stage, arrest him, zip him across the border into Germany and execute him.And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the krauts got a reputation for having no sense of bloody humour.
There is a new LIDL being built in israel. But i don't think it will be very popular with the jews.They won't want to buy anything from there, they won't even want to go in there. An enclosed space controlled by germans? They aren't falling for that one again.
A Nazi walks into a library and asks for an audiobook; the librarian replies "Fuck off! You'll burn it."
Here we come,
Marching down the street,
We get the filthiest looks from
Everyone we meet.
Hey hey, we're the Nazis!
People say we goose-step around.
But we're too busy killing
and keeping the Untermensch down.
A German walks into a library and puts a towel over a book.......
I punched a German philosopher in the face the other day.I was arrested for crimes against Nietzsche.
I was on a comedy walk the other day in London with my family. Halfway through the tour we had to cross a busy road. The majority of us were patiently waiting for the green man, but one German man thought he could run through the trafffic unharmed. He was wrong, and he was sent to hopsital, but died.After the comedy walk, we could not stop thinking about the event that had just happened.What the fuck was a German doing on a comedy walk?
A german naturist is turning a conventional hotel into one where clothes are forbidden. He's going to have a grand opening.Every time he drops his room keys.
